Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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