You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
