I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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