she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
