lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
