Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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