32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
