Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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