But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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