No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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