I am puke
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
