ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
