There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
