I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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