New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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