I cannot find my penis.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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