How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
