hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
