he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
