you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
