walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The beer is more important than you right now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
