So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Randomize
