She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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