Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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