I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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