I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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