Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
