we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
