I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
