I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
