She is in my trunk
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
