fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I love you.
Bad choice
Help. Why am I so naked?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
