I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
