are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
