Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
