my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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