I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
