Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
