He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
