tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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