what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize