Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
