Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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