some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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