Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
