I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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