I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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