In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize