I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize