Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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