I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
