SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
