Pants 0. Shit 1.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I intend to get homeless drunk
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
