i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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