my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize