I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
