If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
