Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize