Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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