So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
