on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
